Fool Me

The Last

2010-02-11T20:37:00.001+08:00

if you know me and happen to stumble upon my dead blog again, i've moved(:

lovers.onsugar.com

(L),

he rules my mind, heart and soul.

just because

2009-08-01T11:57:00.000+08:00

should've said no.
all them fking heartless misfits.
don't you understand how it hurts and how much i miss.
i'm sick and tired of this.
so damn tired, so damn sick.
of you, of this stupid feeling that won't go away.

i've no business there ok.
i'm not going to turn out to be a failure like you.
i'm going to say no.
to you and all your fking lies and shit.

go to hell and leave me alone.

get a fking divorce and leave us alone.

miss you? i will never miss you.
you're the last thing i'll ever miss.

why can't you just fking leave me the hell alone and go and die because i hate you this much.

even though it tires me,
i just can't help it.

i didn't want to do this.
but it's what you are best at.
lying.

fking liars, get the hell out of my life.

Love Drunk

2009-07-16T22:25:00.002+08:00

it's funny how things change in a blink of an eye.

one minute you're loved,

the next you're crying oceans.

srsly.

ANYWAY, we all deserve better than that.

I, am missing some inanimate animal who's too busy for me.

OH WELL, sucks.

summer sucks without you, bloody turtle.

I was not meant to fall like this,

not for someone like you.

You're not mr right, but mr wrong.

yet despite all those faults and imperfection, i love you.

THE PLAYER HAS FALLEN.

LOL.

YEs, in HCISterms, slut.

wtv. watched potter today. AWESOME.

met beaver and caught up(:

"you're untouchable, shining brighter than the sun"

I MISS YOU TURTLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

i'm a sad, pathetic soul whining and he won't see it.

MUAHHAHAHHAHAHHA.

I'm sad, really sad.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

daiso's great.

$2 fans and pink notebook loves.

Long Lost Love

2009-07-14T12:08:00.002+08:00

It's more than just weird.

It's sad, heartbreaking and devastating.

How do you tell someone you love or miss them, when you're unable to talk to them.

Do they know you're thinking of them every waking moment?

It sucks the most that you miss them a lot...NVM.

I MISS YOU MICHAEL EUM.

Yes, this is my sad life.

Fated to miss and love and hurt.

OH WELL.

So, got my new sexy.

Major happy.

+++++back in singapore and seen them love.

Cheerio,

Sarah.

xoxo.

Hot Mess

2009-06-13T13:39:00.000+08:00

Boy you make me so irresponsible, a hot mess.

hahahahha.
Ashley Tisdale...

ANYWAY.
Watched Make It Happen when i'm supposed to be studying...
it's cos of the womanly pain ok!
tsk.
ew.
okok. i will go study.

he topped up his phone~
ohhhhhh the love.

hahahha. 14th of June.
According to Gijun calendar is Kiss Day?
hahahahha.

Physics and Chinese paper 2 on Monday AND WE ARE FREE!
AND SUMMER HOLIDAYS~
AHHHHHHHH!
CAN'T WAIT!
Why do i feel so hsm-ish?
HHAHAHA.

okok, overjoyed.
opps.
i feel bad for not going to prom.
oh well.
blame it on Hilary.
HEE.
nvm, we've got secret plans and rules.
haha.

okok. replied already.
i need to do other stuff.

be my guest,
Sarah.
xoxoxoxxxxxx.

Desole,

2009-06-01T21:40:00.000+08:00

oioi!
7days and i'm this crazy. hahahahah.

EOYs are like next friggin week!
Someone slap me.
i'm still not mugging....ahhhh.
okok.
tired.
i should sleep, wake up tomorrow, go school and mug when i get back.
sisisi.

so sad, was supposed to spend time with him.
but he's studying so hard.
so happy yet sad?
lol.
imhim.

haha.

wow-ers.

srsly?
i'm so dead for EOYs.
I should start studying like him.

Shouldn't have gotten angry.
I knew you had your reasons.
It's just that i miss you so.
BUT YOU'RE GONNA TOP UP YOUR PHONE TOMORROW~
ohmy, i feel so bad...
i keep using up his credits.

oh well.
tingjitingjitingji.
stupid.

didn't really get to talk to him just now.
so sad.
had THE cold war again.
but, fixed it.

It was my fault...and he like knew i was upset.
wow.
i'm talking to myself.

okok, i should go sleep.

Since i came here.
I've never been so happy until now.

oh EOYs, please don't kill me.

I LOVE YOU,
Sarah.
xoxoxxx.

Making A Memory

2009-05-30T13:52:00.000+08:00

It's been a while.

&i still think of what we could've been,
if i knew how to love then.

I'm in love with an idiot=.=
i can't stop thinking of him, i can't stop loving him.
Yes, i daresay love.

I cry because i'm not enough.
I cry because i'm not strong.

And most of all,
I cry because you truly get to me.

So sick of life, EOYs are here. EOYs mann.
No joke.
I told mum&dad i'll give 80%, and 100% in S4.
Srsly.

5th day and i'm already this crazy.
It hurts like hell but i gotta try.
My ugly duckling.
Not perfect, not handsome, not smart,
but he's got a hold on my heart anyway.

I'm so dead...i need to get a grip.
I feel like just giving up,
but i can't.
It's not right...

I feel like i'm having mood swings?
...

i'm so emotional today...

waited for hours to talk to him...
he rather play his stupid soccer....
he's ill, so couldn't come online..
phone also tingji...

I'M GOING NUTS.
i have to like him from afar?
This is just pathetic, sad and depressing.
Sad, Sadder, Saddest...

&&i can't help but wonder,
do you mean it when you say it?

Do you even care?

Would you be there?

Or am i just some toy?

I trust you won't hurt me,
so please don't hurt me..

I'll admit i'm at my most vulnerable point.
wounds reopen,
tears won't stop flowing.
smiles vanish,
and i've lost myself once again..
like the day he left me.

why you gotta do me like that,
Sarah.
x.

I BLOGGED.

170509

2009-05-16T12:13:00.000+08:00

the worst birthday ever.
or so it seems at this point.

total failure.

so not in the mood.

blogger blocked.

so pissed off.

swine flu slowly demolishing all the unlucky people of this earth.
if it reaches level 6 tmr and no one's allowed to go out,
i'll laugh and cry the whole day.

i'll whine and throw my tantrum like a kid.

had enough disappointment to last me a lifetime,
Sarah.
xoxo.

it's my birthday tmr dammit!
is it that hard to let me be happy??

fkthismove and the lies.

LOVE+

2009-05-15T16:56:00.002+08:00

*names have been changed.

K: Give mickey mouse a chance.

L: Give Tweety bird a chance.

wtf.

they always do this.

what if it don't work out?

then i'm the one to blame again.

shut the hell up.

stop raising hopes.

i feel so dazed.

i'm so confused!

I'm so tired....

more crapping~

Do i take a step forward,

or have i crossed the line.

I can't stop thinking of you,

you're starting to always be on my mind.

It's reached the stage,

that i cannot fake.

You keep me coming back for more,

and this is more than i can take.

Can't stop wondering if we could be,

and if this time the feeling's real.

For i have been searching for so long,

to find someone that truly feels the way i feel.

Can you promise me,

that this isn't just another game.

Can you show me how you feel,

and not just tell me you feel the same.

Will you always be there,

oh pretty baby,

2009-05-14T17:00:00.002+08:00

i 'd love you to love me,
i need you to need me,
i want you to want me.

yet, i know it's never happening.
ha.....

wtv.

Today's a tiring full dance rehearsal.
missed physics, english, pe and drama altogether.
meaning the whole day was just slacking, dancing, cam-whoring and walking around.

i am so damn tired.
have to finish math investigation.
bake.
and, i'm still blogging?

omg, bye~

i really want you,
Sarah.
xoxo.

but i'm not that desperate for you to love me back.
cos i'd rather the feelings be true.
than just you faking that you feel it too.

Crazy Beautiful,

2009-05-13T17:03:00.007+08:00

"you're not going anywhere like i care, cos i've got used to it"

oh, you're crazy yet beautiful boy.

haha, but are you really that worth it?

don't think so.

i want to free fall into your arms, somewhere safe and warm.
cos i'm tired of staying in the cold all alone.
he doesn't know how much i want, just for him to realise.
that i'm not playing but looking for something real.

it's now that i finally learn how to love,
and also putting myself first.

One day I'll Find You

I'm waiting and yearning,

for someone to catch me as i'm falling.

With arms of security and love,

to depend on and trust.

A place to go to,

when all of life seems too cold.

To be able to forget all the pain,

and fall in love deeper and over again.

Someone to trust and go to,

that when i cry he'll hold me in his arms.

For all the things i long,

and you just keep playing in my head like a song.

The familiar warmth of love and security,

my one and only remedy.

Those feelings i desperately reach out for,

even as everyone watches as i fall.

I just want somewhere to runaway to,

a secret hideout for me and you.

One day i'll find you,

to lighten the shade of my sky so blue.

We'll escape this world full of hate,

to just love and leave the rest to fate.

I promise my heart,

trusting that you will never tear it apart.

So far and unreachable,

you make the pain less miserable.

All my tears that slowly fall,

for love i will give my all.

For i have learnt to love from the scars,

to be true and not look back to the past.

Would you believe me,

if i told you i just wanted to be free.

From all the anger and hurting,

just to turn it all into loving.

It's just that i'm tired of carrying,

the burden of the world and left alone bleeding.

I know it may seem that i'm not alone,

but everytime i fall it feels that i'm on my own.

I'm done with standing in the pouring rain,

shivering in the cold with nothing to gain.

When's it my turn,

for someone to rely on and not just watch me as i burn.

I'm just looking for someone real,

not just anybody to tell me they feel what i feel.

I've heard it a thousand times,

and telling me in the end i'll be fine.

We don't even know where this will go,

so how would we know.

Why does the world insist,

on believing in pretty words that don't even exist.

Saying words that just seem right,

when it's only leading you away from the light.

Would you be the one to truly understand,

and be there for me in the end.

I've shed enough tears,

and kept to myself so many fears.

Living a nightmare they call life,

with every new rejection cutting just like a knife.
To finally feel what i've been longing,

that strange irrational crazy feeling.

DONE~

le satisfaction baby~

after so long, finally something.

It's at least ok right?

If you understand, good for you.

though truth be told, i don't think you do.

ANYWAY.

school was....ok.

Chinese was alright.

PC was dumb.

History was boring.

Lunch was learning to be a light bulb.

Math was math retest.

Bio was a waste of time as usual.

So damn tired.

gotta do math investigation task soon...

tmr is rehearsal all the way i s'ppose.

heck of a day.

wow...and baking....too.

marvellous.

So drained.

satisfactory post i'd say.

clinging onto false hopes,

Sarah.

xoxo.

you've got 4 more days to wake up and surprise me.

yet, i know nothing's going to happen.

So Damn Clever,

2009-05-12T16:55:00.002+08:00

today is a tiring day.
like every other boring day.

half an hour of math, rehearsal, missed boring maths, chem, practise, lunch, geog, practise, HOME.

practise for math retest.

oh, it was supposed to rain.
but because you haven't opened up your eyes,
it won't rain.

oh rain, oh open up your eyes already.

feel like having a sleepover on thursday.
nvm.
so damn tired.
sunday, so gone.
haha.
tomorrow.
omg....=.=

i've found you,
but i'm not the one you want.

i'm such a fool,
and it's all because of you.

i wish i could believe myself when i say i don't feel it anymore.

for could you be my remedy,
Sarah.
xoxo.

Lust

2009-05-11T17:04:00.002+08:00

EVERYBODY knows what's going on.
almost everybody anyway.

english was english, what do you expect?
Lethargic day, lethargic everything.

Assembly, was ok and quite interesting at the end.
BRENNAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~
MYGORRRRRRRRRRR~~~
LOL, then was geog.
changed for PE, went to lab to "discuss" for the superawesomemagnificantcrazyprojthatnoonewantstodo.
Then my personal secrets were revealed.
ohnoiamsodead.
Weirdpig was doing survey, so yeah.

Then was PE, almost went into concussion!
YAY!~

Lunch, was a blur.

Physics was tiring, lethargic, restless, boring and uninteresting.
Chinese was fun, attempt to do the chinese speech thing, and ended up having illegal discussion.
w/brennaaaaaaaaa, pig and GJ about this weird korean book that was supposedly some guide to girls....how... sweet? LOL. &&they were saying about how good the book is...then the hornyweirdpig like...was...crazy about some joke....lol.

ANYWAY, bio...
what's to expect?
it's DWIGHT.
OMG, dwight's angels...=.=
so bio was ok.....

end of school, hallelujah~

thinking of doing something to my hair...a bit tired of it.

bday party? how to organise?
just dump everyone in that pond...
so frustrating.

omg, then the mygorr right..
haish.
and the weirdpig.

HAISH.so very confusing.
i am lost, astonished, happy and having mixed feelings.

like, this is the first time we talk so much?
or even talk to each other at all.
lol.

break throughssss.

17 May in 6days,
will you then finally wake up?

i want this post to be longgggggg. currently trying to find the energy to study for math test.
though, failing as you can see.
people aren't blogging. so boring.
i need a life outside of these four walls.
i don't like HIM.
i like IT.
get it?

infatuation, not love. yet, it still hurts.
oh, i don't want to do the #*$&*$&$%$ jaiho dance.
so messed up, srsly.

.
..
...
cos i need you,
Sarah.
xoxo.

More Than Words

2009-05-10T14:46:00.002+08:00

I Love You;
"what would you say, if i took those words away."

Yesterday was horror. Almost dropped dead.
Had to wake up at 8, go out from 9 and went home at 3.
Reached home at 4.
Dance practise; Jaiho.
4-8, dinner with Hansika, Vince, Mark, Ke You& Joy.
9plus- ciao~
9:30-11, msn, shower, talked to weird pig.
11: crash.

Today, woke up at 9, church, lunch at orang tiga again....
back home.

need to pracitse math sums and finish physics essay-Earthquakes.
Kept thinking about certain things.
Some that left me lost, some in tears.

Why is life so hard and lonely?
Why are guys so stubborn?
It's not love you're feeling, it's a strong feeling called infatuation.
I'm sorry,
you don't like me but what you want me to be.

I would've gone on and accepted you like last year, but it's different now.

I need someone real,
someone to understand.

Not just any other flings to pass time,
Sarah.
xoxo.

prove to me you really mean it,
&give me a chance to fall for you.

purple light,

2009-05-08T17:18:00.002+08:00

so bored, so tired.
so damn annoyed.

i want to shake you till you wake up and open your eyes.

i want to cry.

stupid.

=.=

will you be the one to save me,
Sarah.
xoxo.

Bitch Fit Much?

2009-05-07T21:07:00.003+08:00

All those bloody s holes who think they know it all better fk off.

you don't know any of us.

therefore you should piss off.

get a life.

This is overrated.

and i think you're the cliche losers who think they're in love

and gonna die cos he doesn't like you back.

wtf, everybody goes through it.

grow up.

live with it.

so damn pissed.

i bet you don't even know the meaning of bimbotic and bitch.

faker?

gosh,

say it to our faces and not hide out in your blogs.

i could do this again,

i've done it before.

it's seriously no big.

if you really like him,

let go of him.

he is happy with HER.

HE chose HER.

because HE is happy with HER.

so go get a damn life and someone else.

There is nothing wrong with dating someone younger.

you narrowminded freaks.

is there a law that doesn not permit people to date anyone younger than them?

SRSLY?!!!!

open up your freaking eyes.

if you really like him so much,

be glad he is happy with her.

i really want to go and...

UGH.

NVM.

this is for the world to see,

Sarah.

xoxo.

don't judge, you don't even know a thing.

Desperately,

2009-05-07T16:50:00.001+08:00

OHHHHHH,
DO THE JAIHO YO~

it's so infectious&contagious.

so dead tired(:
as usual. what's new?
baking later.

marshmellows went all out and really good. 400+ at least made today.

WELL DONE YO(:

how much more to go?

GOT HUGSSSS FROM ANDREW.M(:
ILY!!!!

&i stay there hopelessly waiting,
Sarah.
xoxo.

I Love You

2009-05-06T16:37:00.002+08:00

he hired a PI, but still couldn't find out that for him i'd die.

I almost cried, thinking about you.
cos what we had was beautiful.

you taught me how to love.

even when i've moved on, i still can't walk away.

ANYWAY.

It's like everyone's infatuat-ing.
but me.

i'm like BLANK,
zilch, zero, NADA baby.

i just can't fall.
BUT. ANDREWcutestuff said he loves me.
He was like, "Sarah, love you"

SO MAJORLY OVERLY CUTE.

He is one adorable& lovable kid.

cupcakes went really well(:

doing marshmellows& lil' bit of cupcakes for tomorrow.
Gonna go bit of chem essay and finish tomorrow?

i take on more than i can handle sometimes.
but, i'm not the only one(:

***i saw him looking, stupid.
&i thought i killed all the birds that day.
HAHAHAH. nvm.

now, i like lions.
Andrew said he's one.
(:

ILYTANDREW.M(:

cos you're bittersweet& you knock me off my feet,
Sarah.
xoxox.

I Will Be, All That You Wanted.

Truth or Dare

2009-05-05T22:24:00.001+08:00

let's play,
and i'll give you a free cupcake if i don't do it.

but it must be reasonable.

cupcakescupcakes yumyum cupcakes,
sarah's cupcakes rock.

lala~

"you make me wanna lala~"

i'm outta my mind,
but i'm just fine.

loveloveme,
Sarah.
xoxo.

but i'm too scared to love...

Fool For Me

2009-05-04T16:37:00.002+08:00

and like the song goes,

who likes who, doesn't matter if the rumor's true.
but the halls are filled with voices whispering.

I'm just too used of being judged and all that crap so wtv yeah?

i'm so tired!!!!
gotta bake again for them loves(:

chem, dinner, bake, CRASH.

ohhhh, today was eh-oh-kay satisfactory.

idk what i'm typing.

i try not to think of you,
Sarah.
xoxo.

yes Maureen, i love koreans(:
wanna know why?

Thinking of You

2009-05-03T20:19:00.002+08:00

Woke up, showered.
ate.
took beloved phone back.
sms-ed whole day.

went to order cakes for 18th.
no candles. no song.
just eating.

tungsten-carbon asked me to bake at 4 today,
i did.
100 cupcakes.
it's small but lots of love and effort.

filled with chocs and sugar.

le magnific i would say.

can't really remember much of today.
was raelly fast and in a blur.

broke down, for the wtv time...
but i'm better.

sing me a song of all the things you long,
Sarah.
xoxo.

Need For You

2009-05-02T21:58:00.003+08:00

cheesy much.

hahahha.

i need more days like these. well, nights.
It's fun, simple and refreshing.
Except the phone taking, and tedious baking.
IT'S ALL GONE(:

&maybe you'll fall for me.
cos this time i'm not going to be chasing.

i'll bring you up,
and we'll see how it goes.

maybe we'll be.
maybe we won't.

stupid cow has my phone=.=

so simple,
Sarah.
xoxoxxx.

Hidden

2009-05-01T21:22:00.002+08:00

"and if you asked me if i love him, i'd lie"

Today i WENT OUT.

Yeah, i finally went out to like just let go?
Well, it was refreshing.
Brennaaaaaaaaa&Mark came, sent Aaron to see his girlf's house.
Went to Metro, Watsons, ate, KTV, Roxy, Uniqlo, LaSenza, Starbucks, Potato&Co, Nici, JUICY COUTURE&then home.

Dinner, computer, chatting.

ZONKED.

that's bout it yeah.
tomorrow's also gonna be a heck of a day.

maybe one day i won't be invinsible to you anymore.
&then i wouldn't have to waste my time.

thinking of you,
but knowing we will never come through.

why must dreaming be so different,
Sarah.
xoxo.

Back To The Start

2009-04-30T19:23:00.002+08:00

it's really not that simple.

i'm not your tool,
and i don't like it.

where's the familiar warmth when you need it.

where's the secure hands you know you're safe in.

why did you have to make me grow to hate myself and you.

why do you have to make me feel so ugly.

why do you try to make me what you want me to be.

&the worse is that everybody says they understand.

do you really?

fucking bronchitis is back.

i can't breathe properly.

it hurts.

why can't you see i just need something real,
Sarah.

Everyone's At It

2009-04-29T17:02:00.003+08:00

i keep falling harder, and i pray this isn't over.

i think this is a fairly depressing month.
BUT i know MAY will be a love month.
At least for me.

i hope.

So right, everybody's either in or out of love,
but i'm like neither here nor there.

more scoop in privated blog?

LOL.

everything's private now?

cos when our eyes meet,
i lose the words to speak.

YAY! THURSDAY TOMORROW!
SLACK DAY, and Friday's hol!
&&SAT is like a blast?
maybe.hopefully.

math=goner.
heck.
too tired....srlsy.
they don't even give a damn anyway.

you look at me with sad eyes,
and i hope what i think aren't lies.
cos i start to want to see you,
but i don't know what i should do.

S O S,
Sarah.
xoxo.

I Need You,

2009-04-28T20:27:00.005+08:00

we're all so vulnerable.

and in my case,
i'm too vulnerable.

lsy you're actually right.

my stupid heart just can't be left alone for even just a bit.

but there's this strange feeling,
of wanting.

&the worse is that it's hurting,
Sarah.
xo.

"she wants a boyfriend, but she only gets one night stands."

when's it my turn?.

irrevocable fall,

2009-04-28T17:07:00.002+08:00

i'm so damn tired, i just want to sleep?

gosh, everybody's locking up their blogs.
soon i should lock mine too?

nahh.

OH! MY COMPUTER HAS BEEN REVIVED~

hallelujah~

oh gosh, everybody has someone to like.
&&i'm like caught in the middle.

so confusing.

gosh.
i'm so blank.
I want to move on.

finally got 4 8's!

and math test tomorrow.....

chinese review due....

DT report...

Geog hw on thurs...

=.= OH AND DRAMA!

haish!

would you feel it too?
Sarah.
xoxo.

Forever In My Heart,

2009-04-27T18:06:00.002+08:00

i don't think i should give up, but what's the point?

17 May, 17 May.
I know it'll be a special day.

&i hope one day you'd wake up and realize.
everything this girl could give.
&everything she would give.

i don't ask for your love,
but to just see me standing right in front of you.

I can't say which is worse.
Loving someone but he only sees right through you,
or loving someone and hurting, and you get all worn out.

gosh, am i making sense?

I am horribly tired.

of everything.

srsly.

Love, do you know what is love?
It is not just a strong feeling you think it of.

It's more than just defining it yourself.

It's where the hurt doesn't seem so bad anymore,
and...
that you're life becomes a fairytale, so unreal.

I don't talk to you because i'm scared.
I don't feel that way for you.
I just want to be friends, you're too precious to lose.
Cos i need someone to be there when the whole world's gone.

Do you honestly know what love is?
Cos i don't believe it comes so easily.
That you can love someone so easily.
What is love but a word we all desperately seek.
That somehow in our lives it has made itself scarce.
Is it really that simple?

i can't stop thinking back,
and trying so hard not to regret.

i remember that night,
we tried so hard.
Still it turned into a fight,
Sarah.
xoxo.

hold me in your arms through the night,
i don't want this to turn into another fight.
il&my somehow.
as much as i don't want to.

&the nearly healed wounds,
they start to reopen.

Thirteen Day

2009-04-25T21:45:00.002+08:00

i won't love you.

i promise. yesterday was the worse.
never gone through a more unlucky day!

using dad&mum's computer atm.
gonna get a mac lappy soon.
dad's gonna ask his friend to bring it over.
they're coming soon.
thank gosh.

so anyway,
pissed off a teacher and interrupted class and got scolded?
for like once since long ago.
lol, sounds nerd-ish?
no wait, not.

then dt, kept dropping beads!
until i lost a good amount of probs worth $1-2SGD.
bad! money gone!
UGH.

then i ran up for math class, resulting in a massive head spinning of 2 periods.
was lost as hell during chem,sorta.
yet my brains somehow managed to function.

cathe was horror, being the oldest.
but i lived through it.
not as bad as first lesson.

Today was awesome,
went to some migrant school.
it was sad, and i couldn't be more happier to help and give that money i did for lent.
srsly, i would've given more....
they were so happy to get the dictionaries and stuffed toys and sweets.
just for the stuffed toys, they were so excited and wanted them so badly.
and here i am, taking it all in.
i wonder, what's more sad.

then went to the fundraiser,
earrings just went so wrong but at least four got sold.
1 to hansika and 3 to hedy.
i got ripped off by hedy.
lol.
Hansika was like so nice to pay 10RMB just for a pair.
thank you Hansika.

it went ok(:
OH! ME&HANSIKA WENT TO EAT THE OH SO DELICIOUS FROZEN YOGHURT CALLED SWEET TART!
plain flavour with gummies and mangos.
so sweettttt.

bought earrings made by mark's mum.
food.
got a free OPI manicure.
by some place called dragonfly.
promotion~

dinner at Orang Three,
movies.
bought he's just not that into you.

is it PG????
cos ratings here are kinda screwed.

so tired,
well that's bout it.

sean's party this sat.....haish.
i sometimes think that maybe it didn't have to be this way.
if only....

i let my heart hurt more than it should have.

oh, Aunt Cat got me Chomel earrings for my birthday.
first bday present.
and i have a plan wrapped in my mind, thinking would it turn out the way i want it to?

dance routine = zilch, zero, nada.
gotta get my focus back.

maybe, we'll be.

dead beat,
Sarah.
xo.

Exposed,

2009-04-22T17:20:00.002+08:00

is there really love in this world?

cos all i see is the broken pieces.

i say i'm over you,
but i can't mean it.

"you know what sucks about falling for a guy you know you're not right for.
you fall anyway thinking he might be different."

boy, you've made me a fool.

i can deny it, but deep down i know it's not true.

i try to forget you. i really do.

this life is unbearable.
please, do not say you know me or say you go through it too.

it's too much hurting for one to bear.

too much let down.

&the worse is that the whole world has their back to you,
there's no one to go to.

where's the love in this world, cos all i feel is the pain and cold.

i try not to break down, but it just keeps coming.
making me fall harder each time.
but i stand, just to fall.

please don't say you know me.
laugh if you want,
but don't say you know me.
cos i'm not that girl you see.

that smiling face, is my false pretence.

the laughter, is to drown out my tears.

i'm not okay.

is there anybody out there who doesn't just care about themselves?

is there anybody out there who will show me that this world isn't just for hurting?

is there anybody that just wants to care?

anybody to help me and save me from myself.

i don't know why i still hold on,
Sarah.
xo.

i've tried to kill thoughts of you,
but there's nothing i can do.
i'm sorry.

Love Is For Fools

2009-04-21T16:58:00.002+08:00

boy, i didn't even say i loved you.
just a mere crush, and i wanted to get to know you.
i didn't want to be with you immediately.
i don't know you, but you don't know me either.

what is love, but just a game to you.

i still can't let go.

i can't move on, and it's already done.

how do you forget, if it's everything you have?
i didn't ask for this.
i just hope it'll leave soon.

because it's bringing me nowhere but down that dark place.
where hurt lies, waiting.

i'm so scared, and you don't even care.

blame it on infatuation?

gosh, you can't be real.

i've thought about someone like you,
but never expected it to come true.
please just go away,
my heart doesn't need you for another day.

i can say that i miss you,
but that doesn't mean i love you.
i can fall for someone like you,
but that doesn't mean i want to be with you.

really,
i wasn't counting on forever, but i didn't want to be your lover.

is it that hard to understand?
was i really being rude?
i wasn't the one to broadcast to the whole world to fk off.
i wasn't the one who assumed you were in love with me?

go figure,
it's this new thing everybody feels.

infatuation.

i don't love,
Sarah.
xo.

sarahBIRD

2009-04-20T17:41:00.002+08:00

now the secret's out.

a lot of people know=.=

damn it?.

goshy, gosh gosh.

Brenna is so lucky to be able to talk to such a charming person.

OH!& she taught me how to catch birds!
i shall try it one day.
hahahha, if i get a chance.

do you think there's a slight chance you'd feel it too.
and that i'm no more invisible to you.

boy open up your eyes,
Sarah.
xoxo.

Silent Wishes

2009-04-19T18:04:00.003+08:00

&in my heart i kept wishing to see you there.

i guess if you really want something badly, you'll somehow get it in the end.

i kept it in my heart that you would show, and you did.

i melted instantly when our eyes met.

i get this crazy feeling of happiness.

i start to hold on to a kind of hope.

&maybe we'll be together,
but this time i'm not counting on forever.

now my head's in a swirl and i still can't help but think,
will we be?
can we be.

somehow i just grew to need you.
Went to RFC, was ok.
tired, spinning, hot, happy and yet let down.

it was real satisfaction,
and this guy has made me believe in love again.
he's not the most handsome guy on earth,
but for all my hurting he is worth.
he's something to believe in,
something worth living for.

BIRD flu and sister sorethroat.

UGH.

down and out,
Sarah.
xoxo.

Last Dance,

2009-04-18T13:16:00.002+08:00

and we it goes on, even as the music stops.

KCdance got GOLD WITH HONOURS BABY!

LE MAGNIFIC!

last was gold, now gold with honours?
the best(:

ill again, UGH
so friggin fragile.
and the stupid loser coming in june?
is like MIA.

today is study day,
tomorrow shall be a "blast".

forget you,
Sarah
xo.

Still Around

2009-04-17T23:56:00.002+08:00

i try, even as the inner me die.

yeah, damn it.
infatuation.
go away
screww you..

first was english, too hyper to think
chinese was cool
dt was a waste of time
lunch-hist proj
math was math
hist, presented, test back
chem was notes

&yet i don't miss a second not wanting to see your face again.
you bring backk the love i once felt
the hurt i had
the scars they hide
and my heart opens up again so willingly and lovingly

R&J play made me think,
why can't we just fall in love without having to think?
why do we even have to reason ith love when it is irrational?
&everything in love is never wrong,
just right.

and everything leads back to him
it doesn't seem wrong doing any of what i do
just right.
i don't love anybody,
i don't want to

infatuation please find someone else to hurt,
Sarah
xo.

Forget You

2009-04-16T18:03:00.002+08:00

you won't feel it too, so why can't i let go of you.

today is ok, overrated.

blame everything on Vince, if you need someone to blame anyway

lousylousylousy day
unsatisfied.

27/ 1112

oh boy

You just see right through me,
Sarah
xo

Make It Mine,

2009-04-15T18:42:00.004+08:00

boy maybe i am doing too much.

sorry, i just can't let go like that.
though i just want to be friends.

you got me this new feeling,
and so fast it starts hurting.
please don't let this be done,
when it hasn't even begun.
give me a chance to be a friend,
and not just bring this to an end.
i don't ask for you to love me,
but give me a chance to find my remedy.

OHMYGOSH.
!!!????@@@@@@@#### BROUGHT BACK THOSE FEELINGS INTO ME.
IT JUST CAME OUT AND OMG.
damn, i'm so dead.
please stop, i don't like where this is going.
my heart can't stand anymore hurting.

don't say you love me,
Sarah.
xoxo.

satisfaction much?.

Outside Looking In,

2009-04-14T17:08:00.002+08:00

&i'm sick of all this hurting, and i don't see any reason in this breaking.

omgggggggg, kill me.
Infatuation has struck again.
Forget it, i shall just go on and not bother.
It is imperative i do not care.
I don't.
Really.

wtv.

It's a lil' feeling that will go away. like the rest.
It's just a matter of time.

School was pretty slack today.
Math, Chem, Lunch, Geog and Dance.

Math was alright.
Saw the Ashim dude, everyone was hysterical much?
I would be too anyway if i saw one of them loves.

Chem was fun?
Yang Jie as lab partner! A bit cool.

Lunch was same old fooling around and slacking.

Geog = recap on physical geog?
Sustainable Development(:
I miss Miss Tan.

Dance was a complete waste of time.

May i complain,
i want to join SYF dammit!
STUPIDSTUPID, should've stayed in KC.
hohoho, Zo went for SYF.

How was it love?

I'm sure you did just fine(:

Lucky you...i always wanted to do SYFdance sicne i got in KCdanceclub.

Oh well, miss those before CCA times.

but Miss Wee was freaky.

THOUGH,
i feel really mixed up and tired now.
i bet i don't make sense.

&i really have to get down to work before i screw up.

He doesn't even know my name anyway,
Sarah.
xo.

Why I Hate Twilight

2009-04-13T19:25:00.003+08:00

Why I Hate Twilight

Posted using ShareThis

My Heart Will Go On,

2009-04-13T19:14:00.002+08:00

I SAID DIE, DIE DIE DIE DIE ALREADY!
I HATE YOU.

i'm so tired i could plonk on my bed and continue sleeping my life away.
yes, it is that bad.

omg.
PEOPLE ARE TAGGING MY BLOG.
WOW.
hahah, that's cos of geog lesson. wth.

oh, how i miss floorball.

omg, this thing called Why I Hate Twilight.
SO DAMN FUNNY.
go read, it's like kinda true you know.

&&all those s'holes who keep saying out loud how this guy likes me cna just shut it.
ugh. SRSLY!
Invasion of privacy much?
losers.

this is our time now,
Sarah.
xo.

Broken,

2009-04-12T18:48:00.002+08:00

"hitting walls and getting scars, only makes you who you are"

Broken Bridges is a nice show.
It's those really deep kinda shows, and the girl sings really good.
Like, really strong.
With lyrics that sting and is so true.

Haircut/trim, was ace!
The guy is so cute! Like, the one who washed my hair.
He talked to me, and omg.
The way the massage is so good.
I'm like better now.

oh, and eye contact.
serial eye contact.

lemagnific much baby.

&&BROWNIE! I walked her!
She's becoming like brown cow!
Eating GRASS&leaves.
Then brown cow came, and he was like the usual stupid him.
I really question his age............srsly...

Though,
today was refreshing.

but i'm totally lagging behind for homework and projects?

i needed today though.

oh, i went to church.

happy easter loves,
Sarah
xox.

Six Candles,

2009-04-11T17:47:00.002+08:00

"&when i'm done, give me the strength to carry on."

woke up, played around with sexy.
went down for breakfast.
slacked,
went to m&s.

dizzy, light, weak, tired, drained once again.
mum says i'm more weak and might fall more ill.

had mocha ice blended coffee, delicious.
tiramisu cake.

can't really remember much, really tired somehow.

made a new bracelet, loving it.
attached my heart to it.

Right,

HAPPY FIFTEENTH BIRTHDAY,
Theresa.

Happy Birthday idiotFRANCE,
continue being an idiot and come to china please(:
ily, and if youre an idiot i'll be one with you too.
i think.
COME TO CHINA!

Happy Belated Birthday Hazel.

.
..
...
probably not going to be read by them but it's the thought that counts as always.

for could you be the one for me,
Sarah.
xo.

Good Friday,

2009-04-10T17:40:00.002+08:00

don't be fooled, i'm not that holy.

church soon though.
finally watched a walk to remember again.

oh, and watched the bucket list too.
slept a lot today, still feeling super tired.
ate chocolate.
oh well right.

chem project chem project chem project chem project.

kill me,
Sarah.
xo.

ohmygosh,

2009-04-09T18:56:00.001+08:00

today is a ohmygosh day.
weird thing just happened.

anyway, this is not a story for this blog to hold. hahahhaha.
wtv.

eh, i'm so drained and tired and zonked?
bcos of drama i think.
STUPID STUPID teacher, laughing at me when i'm ill.
OH, and he is stupidly bias!
don't feel like oging to school....
we'll see.
oh, and vince is like ultra dumb?
mark is so marker.
and omg luh.
idk what i'm saying?

okok,
night.

all i wanted,
Sarah.
xo.

confirm,

2009-04-08T17:56:00.003+08:00

PLEASE HOLY CRAP PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COMEEEEEEEEEE.
ILYILYILYILYILY. COME!!!!!!!
AHHHHHHH, I PROMISE I WILL AKNOWLEDGE YOUR PRESENCE AT THE AIRPORT!
PLEASE COME! LIKE STAY WITH ME, OMG. IT'LL BE SO FUN.
AHHHHHH.

&I'M STAYING BACK AT OE FOR THE SUMMER HOLS!
AHHHH, SO COOL. BUT IT'S SO FAR FROM VIVO.
DAMMIT.

AHHHHHHHHHH.

WE'RE JUST TWO HAPPY PEOPLE,
LIZ-ARAH.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO.
COME! ILYILYILYILY.IMYIMYIMYIMYIMY MORE THAN YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE!

FLY HERE YOU BIRD/DUMBBLACK/IDIOT/JUST COME!!!!!!!!!!!

omfg, so sorry i didn't call.
don't be mad.
please don't be mad at me.
ily&my!

OMG, i used my 500th post on you and realised it only about 5 days later. hahahahha.

Tragic,

2009-04-07T14:42:00.004+08:00

those memories so sweet, makes my tongue burn.

damn, medicine's working. hands are shaking.
anyway, i'm happy today.
used sexy to do lots of things(:

i wonder how many people know my blog and actually read it.
it'll be amazing.
cos to me, this thing's just dead so i shall post the minimum.

no school again....bu tomorrow!
EASTER'S COMING hon!

i love new found glory.

i'm so random, oh!
i watched confessions of a shopaholic, it is awesome!
so sweet, the cliche.
those heart rending sad true stories.
why do we love cliches so much.

i'm missing CCA!!!!
I'M MISSING CCA DAMMIT!
ugh! mum says i have bronchitis.
hohoho, hurts to breathe...and i'm taking in deep breaths.
you know.
haha.

i lost my sanity and my body is in ruins.

watched the notebook and juno again.
i want moulin rouge!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no way, mum just told me i may not go to school tomorrow again.
WTHWTHWTHWTHWTHWTH.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
PLEASE. I AM SICK OF HOME.
i'm going mad........................
haiyo. how now.
need to recover for Friday!
big plan.
get blown away~

want to go back in july to sentosa and just get high.
eating food that cost only 2bucks each, travelling through the night.
getting blisters and getting scared of heights.
that memory is unforgettable, and even he couldn't take the fun away.
have fun with the sunset and the cool breeze while singing.
couples behind us while we laughed and nothing else really mattered.
i need that back.
071108.
ilymutatnt&beaver. let's escape this world again.
even if it's someplace else.

you intoxicate me,
Sarah.
xoxoxxx.

Inflamed,

2009-04-06T11:38:00.001+08:00

shanghai has drained almost all the life out of me,
please stop.

school tomorrow,
homework stays at zilch.
test = goner.
study later, at least to feel smart.

ohh it's just so awful, it hurts.
still on medicine.
really tired.
pain.
nevergoing.

x.

Smile(:

2009-04-05T18:00:00.002+08:00

you're back!
but i didn't pick up,
was freaking out when i found out.
SORRY, trying to reach you but as out for church and buying stuff.
just came back, gonna text ya.

Yeah, everyone has their days i s'pose.
but mine's everlasting.

smile, cos that's bout all we got..

1 month, 2 weeks to go.
but it wouldn't feel the same anyway.

&this is for the loved,
Sarah.
xoxo.

find me somewhere else,
i've decided to runaway.

Never Changing, Going Pain

2009-04-04T14:09:00.000+08:00

please, just leave my fked up life and go infatuate on someone else.
cos i'm not the one to rely on, for you to lean on.

i want to go back Lord.
please.

now.

i can't take it anymore.

Miss Popularity

2009-04-03T16:37:00.002+08:00

people are trying so hard to be someone else, but what do they know.
the higher you want to climb, the harder you will fall.
don't try too hard, it's not worth it.

"the halls are filled with voices whispering, who likes who"

headache just hit again.
it goes on and on and on.
stupid world.

Bride Wars is not a comedy.
i'm out.

can't get you out of my mind,
Sarah.

Now,

2009-04-02T18:33:00.002+08:00

i probably thought i'd never get over you in the past,
but i've finally learnt to let go of you and all i felt.
i've stiffened up all the more,
but thing is i finally moved on from you.

i admit,
i loved you.
probably still do. all the things i went through,
and until now i still wish all you said were true..
i bet you didn't know,
i really tried.
It was a fling,
until that day i lost my heart to you.
i still think of you and wonder how you are.
though you probably hate me to the core.
i'm moving on because it's too much to keep holding on to something that's already done long ago. you taught me to love and to hate. at least it seemed like love.
now the memories&pain turn into a real scar, that i shall forever live with.
i don't regret any of it.

wow, i think my migraine jsut disappeared. 4am-39degresscelcius.
barely slept. i think. i hate sleeping now.
oh well, missed school.
have to take part in PE soon.
&&i thought Simlaoshi was worse.
watched 21, such a awesome show.
and Rachel Getting Married. Another kinda pointless show.
Sad, but didn't get it. Maybe it's the head.

you're a song i just have to keep replaying in my mind,
Sarah.

the special one is finally ILL,

2009-04-01T19:25:00.002+08:00

hohoho.
it's that love bug.
haha.

so i wake up at 2am crying and not meaning to.
with a massive migraine that was killing me along with my stupid foot.
it was as if i really was finally dying.
hmmm,
then i searched blindly for the thermometer, with my left eye irrevocably tearing.
took my temperature and got beautiful numbers.
by then i was affirmative i had gotten Permanent Head Damage.
Kept waking up and tried to fall back asleep.
Woke up for school, temperature went down after taking strong medicine.
Went to school, just to miss about half of it.

back home, temp went rocketing for no reason.
migraine came back.
throat got worse.
in all, i feel like crap now.
&&mum wants me to stay home tomorrow and not go to school.

think i lost my voice.

&everybody's watching as you fall,
Sarah.
tchau~

loveSICK

2009-03-31T21:43:00.002+08:00

if it means sick of love and infatuation, yeah.
if not, no.

School, danceCCA was the best.
got rid of all the negative chi.
mentally at least.

Then came home,
don' understand how people can sleep on bus rides.
ate, slept, massive migraine, studied, ate, studied and chatting studying a lil more and gonna crash.

overdid it with dancing and now i'm paying the price.
oh well, that's what'd i do for the LOVE of dancing.

hmm. irony much?

oh well,
dance is my LIFE.PASSIONLOVERHOBBYWTV.

ciao fellow suckers of love,
Sarah.

Harder Than You Know,

2009-03-30T18:15:00.003+08:00

&the tears i cry,
wasn't only because of goodbye.

School was fine, same old same old.
Geog presentation went pretty alright.

found out my blogskin has a song behind it.
&&OLIVERJAMES SANG IT!
WHOO.
I LOVE THiS SKIN.

Watched Marley&Me.
It was so so sad for me.
Reminded me of scott!
&&the time when he had to be put to sleep.
I was only about primary 3-4, and i was like crying in the car.
I brought cereal to eat then Aaron asked me for it..
but i scolded him and said no..
Then daddy told me it's ok..
then i started crying over Scott.
While Aaron still didn't get it that Scott was going to DIE.
OMG.

okok. too sad.

i cried so much.
First show i cried so much.
WOW.

DANCE TOMORROW!
&&my choreography is only at most 1/2 done.
oh well.

gotta do geog~

lights out for now,
Sarah.
ciao~

Hold My Hand,

2009-03-29T18:45:00.002+08:00

"For all the nights you've held me so long, i'm taken back by you."

write me a song, and tell me of the things you long.
words that you'll never say.

Today was pretty okay.
Woke up, did chinese hw.
watched What a Girl Wants while having lunch!
SO AWESOME.
Oliver James is so hot!

Went to M&S, got a black hoodie!
FINALLY!
Then, snacks.
hohoho, many easter eggs for them.
Bought DVDs.
Wanna watch Marley&Me later.
Need to finish stupid bio&geo first though.
half done with bio thanks to Marker-ness.

too-de-loo,
Sarah.
you can't blame her,
she's been hurt too much.
She's afraid,
and out of space.

&your laughter it kills

2009-03-28T22:04:00.002+08:00

up to now, i can't understand how a guy can fall for me.

thanks for telling me how you felt,
did it hurt when i couldn't come up with much?
i'm sorry.

i forgot how to love when i lost myself too.

Mark's party, pretty awesome.
Great fun in the cold, laughing with the hilarylowshulin.
Nice gentlemensz offering their jackets.
Pretty funny stuff happened.
GUYS are so hard to understand!
They still want to play on even when they're injured.
They WON'T stop unless they can't move!
Weird creatures.

First day i actually thought i was possibly happy for once in this awfully cold place.
How wrong i was.
The damn cold was just a warning of the evening.

to hell i didn't want to be here.
you have no idea how much it hurts.
how much shit i have to go through.
send me back? It's more like a reward than punishment.
DO IT. PLEASE. I IMPLORE YOU.
While you are enjoying your life here,
i have to try so hard i can't try any harder than i am.
i'velost everything including myself,
while trying to make the best out of all this crap i have to shoulder.

&that's just the summary.
pictures will be uploaded another day.
hopefully one day i won't be pissy.
This was meant to be a happy post damn it.

guess that,

it just never ends,
Sarah.
imyallalot.
&i hope you know.

Go&Die

2009-03-27T23:47:00.003+08:00

CATHE WAS NOT FUN.
WHEN WILL SHANGHAI BE LIKE REALY FUN.
OMFG LUH.

NO HOTTIES/CUTIES...

SHANGHAI IS DEPRIVED!

&&I WANT TO GO BACK TO SINGAPORE DAMMIT.

NEED AIRTICKET AND LODGING.

i.
don't.
love.
you!.

freakit.

&out.

Half Past Dead,

2009-03-27T17:16:00.004+08:00

I didn't go to buy Mark's present.
Just gonna give something not so nice as i planned?
I didn't realy have a plan..
ohmygosh.
wtv, sorry. Just so damn tired..plus there's stupidstupidstupid cathe later..
Cross my fingers and pray i don't fall asleep.

It's a super cold day...well, cold anyway.
Fire drill.
English, Chinese, DT, Lunch, Math, Hist, Chem, Home, Dinner, Out, Home...CRASH.
Hilary's stockings are just the best.
haha, we shall go stockings shopping.
Have to buy at least 5 pairs.

YESYESYES.
I WANTT TO SLEEP NOWNOWNOW.

Pray there'll at least be someone to drool over if lesson's are boring.
I NEED IT. some hot guy/cutie.

lol....kidding, i'll go sms people, or listen and fall asleep.
I shall attempt to make new friends.
&i bet people are gonna compare me to Aaron.
The height diff.
Yes, i'm proud to be petite.

damndamndamndamndamndamndamndamn.
i am very sleepy.
Sleep typing atm.
i know you're jealous.

Well,
I'm done for today i guess.
Shall move my ass and get ready.

Au revoir,
Sarah.
damn keyboard is not working.

For You I Will

2009-03-25T18:03:00.002+08:00

sorry sir, i'm feel no desire.

to love or not, i've forgot.

i only want to be me, and live without all the hurting.

Teddy Geiger is so sweet?? Yeah, artsy guys are romantic to hell bits, i love them.

taste so sweet,

and it melts you.

ohhh, the love.

ha. Sleep typing atm.

really lazy to reply tags.
will do it here.

Thanks Jingyi.

Thank you besty, i'm always there for you on msn. Just send me an IM.

Though i'm sure you have your other friends to go to. IL&MYloads.

this post was meant for yesterday but the internet screwed up on me.

"when i look into your eyes, all i see are lies."

SO, today's a crazy, whacked, wild day.
gosh.
i miss them a lot.
like, a hell lot.

a lot of things are happening,
wish i could be there to help you.
Sorry.
Words are insufficient.
gosh,
now it's turning upside down.

when will i stop hurting others,

and i stop hurting myself.

cos i'm sick and tired.

thanks for messing up my life,
i hate you more than i want to.

now something's happened.
UGH.
goshdammit.
SERIOUSLY.
i hate all these complications.
I didn't ask for it mann, should've stayed in singapore.
I didn't come here for all the shit and hurting.

What do guys see in me anyway?

What do people know about love when everything they feel is just infatuation.

GOSH. kill me. srsly.

leave right now,
Sarah.
xo.

You Got The Best Of Me,

2009-03-24T18:35:00.001+08:00

but guess it wasn't enough.

thank you ryanlimshuyao.

my saviour......

happy?

sorry.

To, Or Not To.

2009-03-24T17:10:00.002+08:00

to let this blog, or not to let this blog rot.

oh well. i'll blog.
just, this isn't it.
just daily happenings?
idk.

messed up now.
words don't mean much, but they count.
you know, i'm getting really tired of the silence and failed attempts.
It's just rubbish.
Really.

Go clean up please,
so not my month.

YOU KNOW WHAT.
FK OFF, AND OUT OF MY LIFE.
I'm the one always being told to talk,
at least i know what to say and do.
it's just so damn friggin hard to talk to the wall who can't say anything back!
so sick, so tired.
really.
piss off.

you got the best of me,
sarah.
xo.

please just leave.

Do You Mean It,

2009-03-23T18:03:00.003+08:00

cos words turn into nothing once you've had enough.

school, sleepy. still feeling pissy.
Just take it that i'm PMS-ing. I really don't know how to answer you.
English was boring, assembly was a waste of time, geog was ok, PE was the usual,
Lunch was hyped, physics was great, chinese was awesome and bio was terrific.

Bus ride was ok, texted all the wayyy. Thank you person.
I know you love your left hand right now and not gonna wash it.
Oh, thanks also for not abandoning me.

Home, ate, comp, attempting to edit physics..ALONE.

Feeling pissy.

Trying to think. OMG, HuimeiGOAT and I are like feeling the same right now.
We both tried, too bad right.
hmmmm, then there's geog presentation to prepare for.

No time to think.
Dance CCA starts tomorrow?
ohml.

it's coming to the end,
Sarah.
xo.

4 days countdown.
catch me if you can.

EARTH HOUR on the 28th of March at 8:30pm!
JOIN THE FUN, SWTICH OFF ALL LIGHTS AND LIVE IN DARKNESS FOR AN HOUR(:
oh, and no tv's or computers!
Let's all text/call.

Desperate,

2009-03-22T18:17:00.002+08:00

i'm searching desperately for you, but you're nowhere near.

Park Getaway, beautiful but cold.

sorry if my words were too harsh,

doesn't change much..

Gone; I'm Done

2009-03-22T12:07:00.004+08:00

indulge in my pain,

this is becoming too public.

Sorry i can't share my life anymore.
It hurts to the core, i'm feeling over-exposed.

If it's meant to be,
you'll find me.

thefakepretence.

please, someone familiar, talk to me.
This pain is getting too overwhelming.

&one day you'll see the real me,
where i'm no longer smiling.

Life taught me to hate,
taught me not to love too deep.
Love taught me to hurt,
it taught me to becareful who you trust.
I'm sorry, i can't love.

don't read this blog anymore.
it's all just fake pretence of happiness.
artificial love.

that's life.

5 days countdown.

KissofDeath; Eternal Damination

2009-03-21T21:59:00.003+08:00

&& I miss Liz, France, Ryl, Teresa, Hazel, Fei Min, Nat, Anamei and more.
barely thinking straight.

plus CHELLO.
Besty.
everyone.
the nice hot sun in Singapore.

the awesome memories.

take it back,
sarah.
xo.

PS read between the lines, it may seem like it's all. i hate drifting apart, and words just hurt too much.

thunder&lightning. it's dark.
wru.
so cold.

Crash&Burn; Serial Missing

2009-03-21T21:31:00.002+08:00

Sorry Zoey, china internet is irritating me.
Too laggy. Will upload pics to destroy your computer screen soon(:
Another time.
Hope facebook will do for now?
Imy.

This is soley dedicated to Zoey.

&it's because i love her.
&miss her.

xo.

Open

2009-03-21T12:16:00.003+08:00

"am i alone, cos i am feeling like i'm screaming with my mouth shut.
when it's really open."

WORDS DON'T MEAN A THING.

it's just words, that everybody tries to mean.

let's just face it, we're all liars.

talk, let's talk. about?
why don't you start.
cos i'm all out of words.
don't know where to start.

Tired of everything,
Sarah.
x.

i just want to be anywhere but here.

Better Off

2009-03-20T19:45:00.002+08:00

back from trip.

partially sleep deprived.

fully mixed up.

if only words could explain this mess.

why does the heart only learn after it has fallen, been crushed and yet, it still does it again.
damn you.

LIZ. YOU SRSLY COMING TO SHANGHAI? OMFG. PLEASE DON'T BE KIDDING?!!!!
IMYL.
actually, i miss you like hell. damn you.
Your soon better be like the next holidays..after summer. or before. for at least a week.

someone save me from this nightmare called life,
Sarah.
nolove.foreverout.
don't ask, no mood.

Narrow Minds

2009-03-16T18:10:00.002+08:00

you might want to be kind.

You only get half of what's happening.
Don't you know it's a world filled with hurting outside of you.
Grow up.

Honestly, this is all getting very very very depressing.

Trip is tomorrow.
yay....
hopefully it'll be ok at least.
should be right?
ugh...
mindless fun, where are you.
Need to let loose.
Where's all the real fun gone.
Got too used having fun with extra awesome stuff.
Now it's just getting horrendous eye bags and screwed up self.
I should find that new life i seek soon.
I'm really in need of one.

One little secret,
i think my world is so messed up i think i'll just drop dead.
keep wishing.
Not happening.
Look, if you hate me, just say it.
I don't give a damn yeah.
If you want to be my friend,
don't be a shole and just be happy for me.
Going through enough.
Kay...that was random.

shit. stupid mood swings...
maybe it's not mood swings...
just prove how i miss mutant so much.
the real hyper me...where are you...
screwedupscrewedupscrewedup.
I just wish i could cut myself open and rip my heart out.
I'm really tired of having to feel.
So sick of caring, so sick of loving.
Let's just all be emotional people and get stereotyped.
It's rad.

Gotta reply to one&only.
it's time.

Not even words can save me now,
Sarah.
xo.

Mercy

2009-03-15T19:48:00.002+08:00

why does life have to hurt so much,
and through this how do we all last.

i won't complain about my pains here,
cos i know you don't give a care about it.
i won't expect you to understand,
and i pray that'll come to an end.

Today's not my day.
Moody and unwell.

don't feel like going to school tomorrow,
never took this long to stop.
Yes, i bet you can't wait to see me burn/die.
Personally, i think i'll die very soon.
So get rich and celebrate.
I hope i die soon.

Can't stand it anymore.

I need a getaway of out this place,
Sarah.
xo.

In It To Win It

2009-03-14T15:11:00.003+08:00

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG. I CHANGE MY MIND.
PENN IS NOT HOT.
IT'S FRIGGIN MICHAEL COPON DUDE MANN. THAT EX POWER RANGER JACOB WANNABE! && Jenifer tisdale is...fat?

oml.

Anway, going to church soon. Can't friggin upload pictures. Was trying but it kept failing on me. Not very nice. Today's a sleepy day again. I'm unproductive today. Shall go study later. If i have the mind to. OH NO. I'm slacking. ugh. NO WAY. Studying at night.

She's gone. It's supposedly Whites Day right? but she leaves. wthwthwthwthwth.
letters reread..

gosh.
it's devastating. Excursion. Happy or sad?
Just miss mutant loads.
We could have been going to
PARIS TOGETHER DAMN IT.
plus with belimmo&sheleh.
It would've been a blast. Really.
Then we could cam-whore like hell and get scolded by teachers and lots.
Who cares, the fun in that is just too satisfying and tempting.
Plus we're "good" students.
reminiscing is bad for the health.
I wish i could go back to sleep and never wake up.
Really.
Just not into it anymore.

Lousy day.
hate today.

imy,
sarah.
xo.

Words are Inadequate

2009-03-14T13:49:00.002+08:00

What we went through just cannot be written fully in words. Only mere descriptions.
Started out as thinking of each other as bitches but look what we've become.
I left you, and even though it doesn't make a big difference you're leaving singapore.
I feel a big rip in my heart, or what's left anyway.
You said our friendship couldn't be described and words were not enough.
I agree with you, all the shit you went through with me.
Without you i'd probably be worse off. It's also because of you that i stayed there so long. If not, i would have probably left.

I keep trying to find the words to express how i feel and the gratitude for all your presence in my life. It's just that there's no words that can fully express what i feel. This sounds all so cliche, but it's just true. I hope you read this, and i can't wait to see you in July. Please, go back July. Damn Mutant. I really miss going through all the crap with you. It was worth it. If i could go back in time, i wouldn't judge you so quickly.
But as ironic as it is, i wouldn't want to make you stay and suffer, but only want to give you reasons to come back. You told me that, yes. & now i'm telling it to you. For some reason we had grown so close in such a short peroid of time. Though i was hurting, you helped me. Sentosa incident, vivo cheer-ups, complaining to you bout all the shit, crying with you, getting all hyped up and cam-whoring. All the guy crazy stuff. I'd trade anything to have it all back and go through it again, and more.

The only thing good about this move was that i found out the few friends that were true. One of them, was you. I was honestly shocked, i always treated you like a good friend but i never thought we'd be this close. I feel a part of me missing, there's no hyper me, almost no confidence in myself, going through shit without you, it all just seems so damn wrong. I hate it. I guess in some way you made me believe in myself, you helped me when i fell, you hurt with me and you never left me for one moment. Thank you so much. Even with this much words, it's still insufficient.

I wouldn't trade a thing in this world for our friendship and memories shared.
Saroach; Salami; Cockroach; Sarah.
xoxo.

It sucks too, having to go through all this without you.
Your retarded self.

i'm sorry.

Times Like These,

2009-03-13T22:54:00.007+08:00

Through the unglam moments, we still rock.

Art CCA = Cam-whore sessions = free manual labour = crazy beaver = Love

7Nov2008, Sentosa.

Forever&Always,

these memories can never be replaced.

Sarah.

xoxo.

I Miss You,

2009-03-13T22:39:00.003+08:00

KARMELLO. DON'T GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. JULY. MUST. damnit. you don't even read blogs. ugh. bloody loser.

you got the best of me.

Strange.

School was ohkay as usual. Not great. When's it ever great...miss mutant like hell. THE HYPER ME AND THE CAM-WHORING. OMG. I miss that so much. No one to cam-whore or get high with..or obsess over movies/actors/songs dotdotdot...

wth luh.

&&i'm still the new student. like, get over it mann. srsly. i mean, you don't even know me. I can be hell of a mess and chaotic. srsly. hee.

OMG, i miss Miss Ida! OMG. &LOHAN!...and slacking at PE classes or playing thrashy floorball and totally owning stupid guys. OMG.&& stupid mass PE. Then there's CCA. MRS BRENDA NG. WOW. i miss it all. really. here, it's just like local school life. Plain stress, no fun. BORING. WHERE IS THE LIFE. I need fun to do well. UGH.

Cam-whoring with stupid mutant and blur beaver was ace. miss it loads. really.

i guess it'll be picture uploads and done.

dedicated to beaver&mutant.

il&myl.

forgive me.

for all that we had,

i do not regret.

Sarah.

xoxo.

I Think That You Are Lovely

2009-03-12T18:38:00.002+08:00

"pretty baby don't leave me, i've been saving smiles for you."
i'm sorry i can't be there for you, to take away the pain that's making your sky so blue.

Dear Zoey, i won't know what's really happening to you. I really wish i could be there to help you but i can't. Just know i'll be here for you love. Always was, always will be. Stop stressing, gosh. July, i will make sure you laugh it all out till you cry. Really. I hate it when you stress yourself. Email or anything if you need. Will listen if you tell me. Maybe i'll call you sometime soon to check on you.
love always, Sarah.

Don't be scared,
for you know i will be here.
We know it won't be easy,
and the pain coming we both fear.

"sometimes love is addiction, sometimes it hurts like hell. sometimes you just can't get enough."

totally not into the poem thing now. maybe later? sorry presidentwannabe.

hmmm. bio test = failure.
PE test = ok.
life = better?
tuttuttut. PROJECTS ALL DONE.
YES. GOSH. FINALLY.
but i think i'm going to be ill again.
Need to sleep early! haha.
FINALLY.
MY BEAUTIFUL SLEEP, friday tomorrow!
Omg, finally the weekends. Can slack a lil and watch The Boy In Stripped Pajamas, Revolutionary Road plus that show....uh......forgot the title. oml.

I feel better. Yes, i do.
Anyway, it's cold. Need to get off soon and curl up in my bed and crash.

boy you make it hard to breath,
Sarah.
xoxoxxx.

What Is Love,

2009-03-11T20:23:00.002+08:00

i pray i stop crying, and i pray i stop messing things up.

i've done it again. messed it all up.
yeah, i'm so good at hurting people.
fking shoulders hurt now.
yeah. stupid. stupid girl sarah.
should've known.
i won't let it end so fast.
i'm going to hold on till my heart rips again.
i promise.
i hate this hurting.
i really do.
i just wish you knew.

you know what, i can't take it all.
i need to go back.
back to that screwed up school where everything was fine because mutant and everyone got my back. now it just feels i'm left all alone.
this my punishment?
please spare me and kill me.
bad enough she's going back. what more do you want to take out of me?
i can't stand this anymore.
really, i can't.

please just end this all. i really feel like slashing and i will. i will. i just am hurting already. enough.
what about me? what am i supposed to feel? what am i supposed to do?
i'm trying so hard but it's so damn hard to do anything for him because my heart won't let it be abused again.
i'm sorry.
i wish i could stop this, but my heart needs some familiar place to be.
save me.

Rainy Day

2009-03-11T16:35:00.002+08:00

no poem rhymy stuff. really out of it.
CAN'T THINK. MIGRAINE. KILL ME.
STUPID STUPID STUPID BIO TEST. UGH.
Gonna get a 1. srsly. no kidding.
Bio report = 3 the most.
FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. UGHHHH.
Not even sugar can save me now. Annoying much. Sorry, prob gonna be more slow than ever.
veryveryveryvery tired. veryveryveryveryvery deprived of sleep.
have to do pe proj and drama thing.

yay me.
DT done. i guess. can't be bothered anymore.
skittles.
geog proj.
lunch.
oreo.
bio test.

ahhh. too much to take in. so damn stressed and tired?
hmm.

ahhh. can't think. no poems today. just, so damn tired.

don't want to think.
don't want to feel.
don't want to live anymore.

screw life srsly,
sarah.
no such word as love anymore.

Past Love,

2009-03-10T19:08:00.002+08:00

hold up and rewind, i'm about to lose my mind.

Today was chem test.
each day just goes by, and it doesn't feel right.
drifting from them already? like...barely half a year. Maybe i was bound to be a loner.
hmmm. Then CCA. LAS TDAY OF VOLLEYBALL CCA. YAY.

sleepy. really sleepy. still have bio to do. UGH. Deets more in privated blog.

oh, poem for shuyao.

trying again. too sleepy to feel anything really?
hmm.

anyway.

i bet you don't know how i love you,
the way i notice every little thing you do.
it's the way you make me feel,
as though this is finally something real.
just wish you'd wake up someday,
and help me take my pain away.
i promise i will never leave your side,
even as this relationship we stage must hide.

OK. RLSY. your poem. can't go on. too SLEEPY.
sarah needs to sleep.
sarah needs to feel.
sarah needs to forget.
sarah needs to heal.
sarah needs to stop thinking.
sarah needs to go...

100309,
the day i lost my mind.
sarah.
xoxo.

What You See's Not What You Get

2009-03-09T16:41:00.005+08:00

I'm so sick of saying that you don't understand me. You don't. I'm sick of protesting all this misunderstanding. So. I shall go back to write poetry. dedicated to my dear lovesick/filled mrlimshuyao. All the best with that girl you supposedly love.
UGH. BLANK. BLANK. WHY AM I BLANK. failed.....

too tired.....

"i need inspiration, not just another negotiation."

thinking too much of the past. bloody jerk. i actually almost loved him. ALMOST. It was THAT close. &then he broke my heart into a gazillion pieces. amazing. really. are hearts made up of some really strong material that it mends over&over&over&over again without fail? Well, almost fully mended anyway. BUT, there's obviously the scars. Yes, the beautiful scars that stay there.
Perfect. Now we shall all go complain and whine about the pain we feel and that we're alone cos we really are. GOSH. CLICHE MUCH. YES. I AM SO CLICHE. WHY AM I SO CLICHE. IT IS GROSS BEING SO CLICHE. that cliche girl, with the cliche life. i gross myself out far too much. I'm perfectly abnormal, loner, retarded, love desperado and cliche loser. great. want to help me add on? i know you do. well, piss off. I'm feeling pissy now. yay. OMG. I'm getting Hilary's PMS syndrome. AHHHH. INFECTIOUS. Ok, maybe not. I'm just incredibly sleepy. Stupid hilarylow keep hitting me. gosh. sleepy!!! SO darn SLEEPY. CURSE BIO REPORT. CURSE IT. ok. no. don't get low marks. ughhhhhh.
attempt 1 at poems.

This Feeling

Wish i could tell you,

what i'm going through.

It's like i've been taken over,

by a kind of pain that hurts like forever.

Just want to find a remedy,

to all this that's hurting me.

Wish i could explain,

this feeling i feel over and again.

Maybe it's a kind of love,

that messes up your world.

This feeling i hope will go,

for i'm tired of being left alone.

It's the point of disappointment,

and let down comes from everyone of them.

Don't leave me,

to fend myself from all this hurting.

It feels like i try too much,

and break at the softest touch.

I wonder if i told you i loved you,

would you say you felt it too.

I stand here still loving,

even as my heart is wide open hurting.

You're as though permanent marker,

and my heart is the paper.

Written on my heart,

it hurts and i'm scared you'll tear me apart.

Afraid of all this crazy hurting,

and the never leaving feeling.

I can't think properly,

and i'm scared of the end that will come eventually.

Maybe one day love will vanish,

or claims so often shall we banish.

YES! YESYESYES. DONE. I'm so sleepy. zonking off.

ciao~

"who needs the disappointment of a phone call, not i."

baby try harder,

sarah.

xoxoxxx.

stupid blogger can't have paragraphs. screw it.

HAPPY FIFTEENTH BIRTHDAY BRENNA!

Though i may not know you very well, you're quite an awesome friend.

Thanks for being my friend, or i'd be a lost soul on first day at school over here.

Sucks to be alone and stuff.

WELL, enjoy your birthday and presents.

Especially the very big one from Anna&Hil.

OH. Got you red nail polish since you like blood* so much.

Plus chocolates for your upcoming monthlygirls'painthing.

The time when Hilary gets all excited and high.

Love you loads,

Sarah.

Love Story,

2009-03-08T16:40:00.001+08:00

My vow to Romeo:

I promise you my heart,
in exchange for yours.
I promise never to break it,
and treasure the love that's ours.
The first time i've fallen for someone,
and i'm in love.
Just want someone to depends on,
and i trust you are the one.
Through the rough tides,
i will stay by your side.
Through the cold winds,
come whatever life brings.
Forever in my heart,
till death do us part.

so cliche. till death do us part. but, GOOD USAGE. ADMIT IT. PLEASE, i haven't been writing good poems lately cause of being ABANDONED. So MANY times. By the SAME PERSON.

It's devastating. Tomorrow's gonna be a heck of a day(:

you know it's not that easy,

sarah.

xoxox.

Stop This Feeling,

2009-03-08T11:45:00.002+08:00

&boy when our eyes meet, it's like i'm falling from a thousand feet.
i can't stop thinking about what we could be, and what you see in me.

I am suppose to be studying. forgot to send ANNA ELA proj. Honestly, i'm just 3/4's done with it. UGH. I'm so not in top shape. Need to go mug and remove myself from civilisation for a bit. Maybe i should start with not blogging till Friday 13. MAYBE. Gosh, no self-discipline. Failed IJ girl. OH WELL.

Gotta do poems for mrlimshuyao.
later on in the post.

OMG. HILARY DUFF right, Gypsy Woman. One&Only you reading this? Remember that song.
It would irritate you to bits with the weird noises at the start of the song. Crazy much, i guess that's me. haha.
THEN, there's Breakaway. Grad song. Failed much, it was fun though. All those practices and screw ups. Oh well right.

Done with R&J thing, need to complete ws though. UGH. Kill me? Well, today's just work day. Gonna blog and get to work. SRSLY.
DT not done..gonna restart? i'm a major failure. gosh.
poetry then out.?

the way you stare at her,
wishing she knew she's your entire world.
nothing could ever compare,
and you just wish for one minute she'd care.
you're so in love with everything she does,
and you know it's not lust.
tried to forget,
and of this feeling you can't rid.

sorry mrlim. can't type poetry here.
feel so exposed? well, private blog. maybe.

love do you know who i am?
sarah.
xo.

I Could Say,

2009-03-07T20:48:00.003+08:00

"since you've gone i lost that chip on my shoulder, since you've gone i feel like i've gotten older.
now you're gone it's as if the whole wide world is my stage. now you're gone it's like i've been let right out of my cage."

yeah, screw you and your lies. i actually still think of what we used to be. you always made me feel guilty when i went out with FRIENDS. && you didn't even allow that. FRIENDS who are GIRLS you bloody shole. I'm not a damn lesbian. I hated you so much, right now, i hope you're pissed. I still have your damn keychain you bought for me. 700dollars. i hope it breaks you. I hope you burn. I hope you know that it hurts, and that i never wanted to leave. & that i really believed you. I was so naive. Can't believe you said that if someone was laughing a lot with someone else, it means that person laughing is in love. Bloody jerk. I actually trusted you but you let me fall. I'm way better than your ex-girlf. I pity her, for being so unlucky. I was dumb, and you're just like any other jerk i knew. I'm uglier than her? Oh screw you and your lame excuses. I should've cheated on you, shouldn't have wasted my time on you, i just hope the kisses leave a scar. I hope you hurt whenever you go back. Yes, i stil think of you, and the thought of what we had disgusts me now. You sick shole. Ugh, it feels like you've actually violated me. Disgusting freak, i never should've been so naive, never should have let you have your way, never should've listened to you and let you hurt me so bad. To think our relationship was the longest i had. UGH.

gosh, sorry. reminiscing. sorry people.
Everybody who knows this jerk, stay away from him. He only lies.
&he is filled with bullshit.

aside from all my stupid past....
misshim.misshimnot.misshim.misshimloads.misshim.misshimnot.
gosh, imyl.

want to watch the scarlet letter.
love&allout,
sarah.
xoxo.

Friday, Thirteen

2009-03-07T10:07:00.002+08:00

EVERYBODY is complaining.
OK PEOPLE. RELAX. You're not the only ones with shit loads of homework, assignments and tests. HELLO? New student here? Major stress much?
YEAH HUH. Like, MAJORMAJOR stress.

So much happening ok. so much. too much? ok. i need to de-stress and get hyped. MISS KARMELLO. Those happy, hyper fun days. omg. and accidentally saying too loud that M.L was like Vgirl? SO SORRY. if you read this blog either of you. But i doubt. If you do, i'd freak. One's a teacher mann. & the other is ...wtv. heee. omg. Felt damn mean. But i was high with stupid mutant.... HER FAULT. She made me choose...then i said both are the same. holey. omgomgomg. please don't kill me if you read this mann.

gtg out. deets later?
gosh, kill me.

somehow i've fallen for you,
sarah.
xoxoxxx.

LoveLoveLoveLove,

2009-03-06T17:02:00.002+08:00

tired of feeling this way, love please take me away.

gosh. so friggin tired! loads of shit to do....barely done! DT project now. UGH. KILL ME ALREADY. so friggin tired! && there's bio report etcetc....
gosh.

btw, i've moved on from him ok. i really deserve better.
I have no time to fuss over infatuation. He's not real, i want real.
therefore, moving on time?
gosh. confused. i just am moving on.
no matter what.

sorry ryan, no poems right now. maybe later? kinda stressed...
stress=no feelings to write nice poems for you.
sorry?

i'm all outta words,
sarah.
xo.

cos i can't move on,

2009-03-05T18:15:00.002+08:00

Don't mind hilary's sick pervertic self. she has a crush on me& i'm in love with that little boy(:

love crushed me,

sarah.

xoxoxx.

Love Gonna Get You Down,

2009-03-05T17:27:00.002+08:00

"is it you?"

Andrew the cutie wanted my ring. So i passed it to him, and he tried it on. Barely fit him, so he threw it on the floor. His smile is so cute! He gave me a hi-five! hahahha. He tried to rub my marker writings on my hand and got his hand dirty. OPPS.

ilygavindalling.

so tired, headache. post later or something.

falling head first,
sarah.
xoxo.

Be Good To Me

2009-03-04T18:44:00.003+08:00

"so why dont you be, be good to me"

HELLO dear readers of this pathetic blog. I'm not really gonna post a lengthy post today i think.
Depends.

You know what, i think i just wanna drop dead for about a few seconds or more. I was supposed to be doing my homework. oh. it's only 7. it's ok. will start soon. RIGHT. SO.
watched Turn It Up: Centre Stage.

BRILLIANCEEEEEEEEEEEEE BABYYYYYYYYYYY.

The lead girl had serious stomach abs. Like 4pacs? ANYWAY. Ballet, hip hop&attitude. WHAT MORE COULD I ASK FOR. OH. & a lil tango i think. de dan paus was it? the couple dance for ballet. MAGNIFIC.& the dude was fine. gosh. should've continued ballet? Maybe, maybe. I am in love with couple dances from ballet now. They are just AWESOME. SO FRIGGIN ROMANTIC. Yes, that weird wish of mine. Romance. A girl can dream. haha. BS mann. I'm so full of it. SRSLY. I so need to dance. Need to start "working out". DANCERS' WORK OUT. NOT muscle building or wtv.

Chinese horror test. FAILED. I'm a goner. Need to start studying again. FORTUNATELY, bio test was post-poned or i'd be dead too for that. Need to finish up my movies and get a grip of myself. MUGGING, I'M COMING BACK.

&somehow i still can't let go of you,

there's that wishful thinking you feel it too.

Somehow it won't go away,

and it grows more each day.

pain&hurt you've got me,

sarah.

xoxo.

Maybe,

2009-03-03T20:27:00.001+08:00

maybe he just felt lonely, and maybe he misses you.

HEYYOOO.
i'm such a failure and concentrating.
joined dance CCA.
I KNOW. just gonna take that risk.
Watched The Woman...supposed to be studying..
but it is awesomeeee!
like, the devil wears prada kinda thing.
so cool. well, sorta anyway.

i'm a bit off these days.
thanks to...idk.
need to study CHINESE.
BELOVED CHINESE, i have no idea where the stupid electronic dictionary shole is.
ugh. so screwed. stupid brothers don't wanna help me. FINE.
oh gosh, i'm so done for.

love let me be free,
sarah.
xoxoxx.
private blog more deets?

Secret Love

2009-03-02T18:43:00.003+08:00

i declare myself no longer available.
i'm going to be a nun.
lol.

ANYWAY. Watched Australia yesterday and the oh-so-sexy Make It Happen.
I NEED TO GET BACK TO DANCING BEFORE I GROW FATTER.
working on attitude dancing is NOT easy.
bloody hell looks so simple when it's on music videos and movies,
it's not! hell of a time trying to control the hips....
popping is just EASYYYYY.
ANYONE can pop.
srsly.

i miss dancing.
CCA change for next season! WHOO.
Photography or risk gay dancing?
both has bad parts to it..
like, may not be what it seems....
might turn out to be crappy movie watching cca's or something.
UGH, hate these kinda things.
WHERE'S THE GOOD FIRM GROUND OF A CCA.
i need to dance. badly.
before i grow really fat and lose my mental state officially.
can you imagine me any fatter?

WAIT. Australia was BRILLIANT! So damn nice.
"i will sing to you.
& i will listen."

GO Nicole Kidman!~
So i have, some street dancing show which looks promising, the bucket list, the reader, doubt and the boy in stripped pajamas up for major slacking.
&&& stupid tests are oncoming/going?!
GROSS. i hate this.

I LOVE MAKE IT HAPPEN. IT IS RAD BABY! RAD.
quote from Brenda or that woman in the show:
"dance is like the window to the soul"
SO TRUE MUCH! If you know how to express yourself.
ugh, so magnificant! The last dance of the show, she danced to Lady GaGa's song about dancing and it was just awesome. I so need to start training again.
If not i'm gonna lose it ALL.
muscles, stamina(already losing it), shap?, technique and blah blah blah.
need to start dancer crunches.
ouch...sore muscles...ugh....
OH WELL. The punishment.

So it's dinner time and i need to post on the private blog later.
need to invite more people....that blog's practically and literally DEAD.

love let me fall,
sarah.
xoxoxxx.

Trickery

2009-03-01T15:35:00.002+08:00

"when you flash up on my phone i no longer feel alone"

Boy, if it wasn't for that simple crush would we be different?
cos somehow i stay up till late night,
wondering if it's worth the fight.
i try not to think of you,
and i don't believe you don't feel it too.
beautiful stranger i can't help falling,
and my hearts' just only healing.
everytime i catch your eye,
i still can't believe it was so short to goodbye.
each time you're nearby,
i feel the inner me die.
pray you'd look at me one day,
and tell me you feel the same way.

i'm so impossible! ughhh. i can't stop this mad infatuation. i thought i had. GOSH. something is really wrong with me. I was moving on so fine! THEN....WTH WENT WRONG. Am i really destined to a life of solitary or someone i can never feel so strong for.

Anyway, went out for lunch.
bought dvds.
LILY ALLEN'S LATEST ALBUM BABY! score! damn the downloads.
obviously it's fake, but it's the contents i want.
&&& movies; Australia, The Bucket List(think karmello talked about this before.), Doubt, Make It Happen, another dance movie and more. can't really remember. hahahahhaha.

Slumdog Millionaire....was...OHKAY. Like, it was kinda....sad.....kinda romantic at the ending....but Moulin Rouge and The Notebook and A Walk To Remember beat it. Maybe it's just my emotions...too concentrated on......other stuff. WELL. off to watch AUSTRALIA! FINALLY!

love let me down too many times,
sarah.
xox.

Love; Like

2009-02-28T17:07:00.004+08:00

"One day you'll find that the pain's still there but it doesn't hurt quite so much.
But it doesn't ever really go away, does it?
No, it doesn't ever really go away."

people are always trying to figure out what is love and what is like,
i therefore conclude.
like is the short relationships/feelings we have for someone.
Love, a mere strong feeling that brings you up high for as long as it can hold.

Everything, will let you down in the end.

Read Let's Get Lost by sarra manning in bout 2 and a half hours tops.
awesome, totally what i was looking for.

sorta.

So, i'm still ill.
have a massive head ache and feeling uncomfortable..
thinking of lust and love.
it always starts from lust...does it?
well, it has to start somewhere...
I, am just stuck lost in the middle of somewhere.

I feel wasted, why do i feel wasted.
i can't even bloody do any homework or research..
everybody's out having a blast while i sit here like a totally loser.
Thank you Lord for condemning me into a total freak and retard.
UGH.

I HATE BEING AT THE TOP.
LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE.
I rather knew everybody and everybody didn't know me.
It's like, your life is some movie and EVERYONE's watching you and thinks your life is all pretty flowers, rainbows and ponies.
I'm so damn disgusted with myself.
Too cliche, the "pretty" face girl with a life that seems perfect to everyone.
Doesn't hurt, easy life, misunderstood.
UGH. Someone "up there" change the script already?!
I so need a life, i need to get out of these four walls.
GOSH, how cliche can i get?
I wish i could fade, disappear or die.
Either seems really really better than living.

well, tempp just went up. screw this. i'm dying.
YAY.
HALLELUJAH, ironic. i was suppsoed to go to church.
UGH. STRESS MUCH? Everybody's stressing......
for what? To die. I'm crapping again.
SHUCKS. better go. may update later.

nothing lasts forever,
you should know that by now.

tell me what you feel,
and convince me that it's real.
i don't want to be decieved,
and fooled when i believed.
it's just that words mean nothing,
ever since it started all this hurting.

nothing lasts forever,
you've should have known by now.
sarah.
xo, out.

Note to self:
1. need plain black/navy blue jacket for school.
2. WITH POCKETS.
3. go out with people.
4. stop rotting between these four walls.
5. get out of china happily.
6. don't date anyone if possible.
7. if not possible, find a good guy.
8. don't screw up yourself any further while staying here.
9. try to not be such a retard.
10. get a life.

Let Love Fall Down

2009-02-27T16:41:00.003+08:00

"there's nothing i could say to you, nothing i could ever do
to make you see, what you mean to me"

I am high.
or so i think.
ILL. i am ill.
i don't like being ill anymore.
Can't sing, shout, scream, annoy people, go high......
OH.
& there's the evillllll medicine that makes me feel dumb and i can't think..
and i just feel like sleeping.
ha.

Today's ting xie = FAILED.
no hundreds.
i'm gonna die.
yay me.
so friggin irritating?
Then english, watched more of the old R&J film.
DT = beading...
Lunch = slack.....
uhhhh. math = retardacy.
history = studying...
chem changed to Assembly = farewell VP.

How many VP's are there....i'm lost...
wth.

PLUS, i can barely use my brains now..processing very slowly...

ohoh. DumbBlondBrocolliHilary's sirname is LowNg.
&& she is deep for a dumb blond. So don't underestimate her airhead-ness.

Her retard-acy is also very infectious.
BEWARE.

I'm nuts.....
haha.
Something's wrong with me.
Stupid fever.
IT'S THE FEVER.
SRSLY.

sms-ed mutant after school.
sadness much.
need to make skype.....
talk to her......
and stuff........................

READ PRETTY THINGS. SO AWESOME. gays&straight people. haha.
more deets in private blog.
see ya suckers~

BE A CUPCAKE.

we're both nuts and because of my mental state,
i like you.
sarah.
xoxoxxx.

Infatuation, Leave Me Alone

2009-02-26T16:50:00.003+08:00

second dose of medicines. yes. it's kicking in.
fever. flu. sore throat.
may not make it tomorrow.
could barely concentrate today...but there's important stuff! how.
die. dead. dead-er.

plus there's gonna be a third dose later...i'm bound to konk out really fast..
i can't even think clearly now!
like, i just lost all my thoughts.
oh well, at least you readers are spared of my feelings crap.
DT and chinese homework soon. GOSH.

omg. something so damn HIL-arious during drama.
i saw hilary on the clip of Oedipus the King animation! THE BROCOLI.
&& mr potato is married to brocolli woman.
yay. ilydumbblond.
i need a nurse...i still want to go to school tomorrow if i can get out of bed tomorrow..
i barely could stand today morning.
i'm such a sad kid.
went a lil' high in drama.
wellwell.
HE talked to me.
tried as much to ignore, but ugh.
nvm.
clouded thoughts.
much to think.
headache.
higher fever.
die.
no thank you.
i don't make much sense?

i'm editing cos i just read something really really painful.
it HAPPENED. as in, really happened.
a jerk cheated on a girl..she gave her heart and all, but he just made her fall.
wth. why are guys so fked up? && it doesn't matter that if someone really likes him, he can just break their heart somehow.
pitying only hurts.
pretending hurts.
one-sided relationships hurt.
but of all, i rather hurt because a guy didn't like me.
but it hurts to the core when someone cheats on you and gives you lame excuses like how he didn't want to hurt you.
rejection. it's better than pretence or lies.
oh well, inexperience.
young. what else?
Wouldn't it be nice if we needn't go through infatuation..or there was a book to help us all through it? Or maybe a manual on how to tell if a guy genuinely likes you? It's those jerks that give girls insecurity...that makes other good guys work for something if they were true.
It's just so sad how this world truly lives on infatuation...and no one bothers about love much.
It's just about finding it and desperately forcing yourself to think it is love. What is love, who knows. It has no face, no heart. It lives with no soul, and it lives by itself. But if you mistake it for infatuation, it makes you hurt. Maybe that's why i'm hurting so much. Maybe it's why we all hurt so much. Love wants you to know it's coming, so stop looking. But we just can't help but desperately seek it and hold on to infatuation. Everyone wants to be loved. Everyone NEEDS to be love.

It hurts, but we still reach out for it. Yearn for it. We just want a chance at love, to have something real. It's not always the one being dumped who's hurting. Ever thought that dumping someone isn't as easy as it looks? There's two sides to a lot of things. Open up and see, it doesn't just work one way. Maybe, just maybe there's another side you don't see. Stop judging. I would know. She's not a slut just because she dumped him..he liked someone else...still does. She just wants something real. It's not her fault all of them were the same...They all changed as soon as they got her.
She crumbled to pieces breaking up with them because she thought he really was the one...but she gets blamed.
& when she really tried and pretended, it just hurt her more and messed her up. She really fell so deep...but she ended up with nothing except a keychain to remind her of her past which hurt to the core.
Believe me, that's real. So stop judging with your eyes.
Things are always not what they seem. Life, isn't so simple. If you look hard enough, you'll probably see something you don't now.

this is where it ends,
sarah.
xoxoxx.

Define Love,

2009-02-25T20:44:00.002+08:00

with love,

sarah.

What's Love,

2009-02-25T20:34:00.003+08:00

i'm ill.

so tragic isn't it.
yes.
everything's so tragic for me, it feels like my world is in pieces.
oh well.
i'm a fool for him, can't help it.

OMG....tedious uploading of pictures. may post like 1 soon over here.
Missing all them loves back home.
Then there's school.
oh dammit. it feels so wrong going to the gym now.
feels damn fked up.

yes, it does.
well, anyway.
was supposed to be angry but guess the medicine has kicked in and i can barely remember what i was supposed to feel.
just know i miss them loves.
especially stupid loser mutant...need her bloody good advice.
so sad i have to miss her.
oh, one&only where are you. MIA....

ugh.
school today was not fantastic, in fact.
i think i just want to die.

i can't forget him. yay me.
no matter what.
he thinks just by rejecting me i'll move on?
I WISH. so confusing.
can't think so much now.
plus there's blooddy drama research.
how screwed up can life go???????

Oh gosh, i'm a hell of a disaster.
&&&my damn stomach muscles/fats hurt like crap.
can't even laugh without pain.....lol much?

don't you know you're like toxic,
sarah.
xoxox.

Love Foolery

2009-02-24T20:21:00.003+08:00

why don't you all just shut up and leave your comments to your self right?

Most of you just don't know what it's like to be me, gosh. GET A LIFE.

Don't steal mine!

NEVER cry over a guy, it makes you more vulnerable.

Today was uber tiring somehow. SHIPMENT FINALLY CAME. everything's in a damn mess. COMPUTER'S UP! WHOO. FINALLY. THE LUXURY of not having to share a laptop with 3 siblings.

Yes, i just got rejected. Why am i so stupid? Oh right! Cos i just a airhead who's supposed not to feel and just hurt like crap. WHY DOES IT HURT SO MUCH. WHY.
I will forget him,
i just don't understand why he had to go and ask b whether i was serious.
maybe i should just really be a nun.
maybe i should just give up.
maybe i should stop liking nice, beautiful strangers who act nice to you but stop there.
Cos that's where i fall and flat on the face.
Then you hurt and everybody's just too busy hurting themselves to give you a second look and care. What is my friggin problem? I never let myself fall this hard before.
WHY NOW. WHY HERE. I'm such a disaster for a girl who just wants to finally lean on something real. Once again, i'm fked up. & i brought it upon myself.

the truth hurts too much,
sarah.
sorry, i just forgot how to love.

PLEASE leave me alone. PLEASE. I don't want to hurt like this or feel like shit. But i do, and it sucks. I never intended to fk up my whole life while thinking i finally found something real. I just want someone to be there.

I promise myself from this day, i won't let myself hurt for no reason anymore.
Not because some guy thought he was being nice.

Love Letdown

2009-02-23T17:22:00.002+08:00

Yes, that's it. I reallyreallyreallyreally want to let go.

I catch him looking at me or either that, he's looking at the ghost behind me. That sucks. I don't know why we're wasting time pretending and ignoring.
I'm more serious than i can ever be and yet he thinks i'm playing.
UGH. yeah, like i cry in the middle of the night because of him and cos i was playing.

Someone shake this guy awake. For him, i'd burn.
The cold, hard brutal truth?
I'm far too deep to be shaken by his younger self photos.
I'm beyond hopeless into this beautiful stranger.
& he doesn't see it.
kill me? It hurts and i get jealous when i see him talking to another girl unlike how we can never have a long conversation. I'm so stupid, really i am.
I mean, lonelyboy and me could've been together....but i just had to fall for this stranger that i claim to have fallen for and all. Please if you ever fall for me, don't tell me. It'll hurt you more than when you know i like someone else not you. Seriously. unless i like you back, that's different. ANYWAY,

today was ok....barely saw him. think he was waiting for me to walk down together? but like? i dk? OMG. i'm going nuts. Like, mentally unstable.

IGNORE THAT.

time to go chill down,
sarah.
xoxoxxx.

2009-02-22T17:16:00.002+08:00

i can't do anything but you, while i hurt, just keeps on whining.
in what way can i change this life i'm destined?
You don't know me, so please don't be judging.
I won't say i know you, but i do know me.

scoldings are all i hear.
scoldings are all i remember.
& from the world i hide.
See this girl smiling,
what do you know?
You think she's just whining,
but how much do you really know?
Somethings she hides, somethings she keeps.
Somethings stay unsaid,
for everything has a price to be paid.

Untouched

2009-02-22T10:50:00.002+08:00

"& even if the world falls down tonight, you still got me to hold on tight. Cos i will never let you down."

Baby i know it's probably hard for you, but it isn't any easier for us too. Just know that there are others, hurting. It's just the way life is i s'pose. Everyone will get burn, sooner or later. The scars will fade with lessons learnt, and you'll start to reach for something real.

You'll know what i mean when your time comes.

I've tried so many times to let you go, but i just can't seem to do so.
Believe me when i said i've tried, more than the number of times i cried.
I wish i could just forget you, but...

sometimes i wish there were words to say, but it's all pointless. like how irritatingly painful it is to hear your own mother sprouting words she shouldn't about your dad.

i just lost my mood for everything. life's so fking miserable. screw this all.

i just wish you'll leave me the fk alone,
sarah.
xo.

Destroy Love

2009-02-21T16:25:00.002+08:00

yes, we shall all go and find love, and burn that fker down(:

anyway, went out with Aunt Tess, rach and ryan for lunch.
then headed to some kid palace place which was kinda awesome cos i got some stuff. FAKE TATTOOS. Since i can't get real ones now, i shall satisfy my retarded self with fake ones. haha. Then i got stockings. black and one blue one. headed hom, Sean's having some practise and stuff. OH well, just another day for me in this cold place.

i mean really cold, there's no one here?.

imyall,
sarah.
xoxoxxx.
more deets on private blog? yeah.