Friday, June 08, 2007
HEY! okay... woke up, mum was angry at Aaron and she threw her temper at me! like...WTH!!! argh! okay...after that, things cooled down. She went out, i looked after Sean in case he wanted to do stuff he was not allowed to. Example, bending down to pick sth or whatsoever. hmmm. okay...Auntie Cat came, had this sudden urge to bake. Went out to get stuff to bake. Baked rich chocolate cake and Tiny Fairy Cakes. Both was a success! haha. really happy with myself. After all the tiring work, i had a blasting headache and was really warm. hmmm. Slacked throughout after that. oh. yesturday night, was reading Chinese Cinderella for the third time. This time, i'm penning down my thoughts while reading. I really understand the things Adeline goes through. haish. At the same time, i'm once again reading falling leaves. It's the story of her life from age 14 onwards. Her life, really is filled with saddness. She says she remembers Mother Teresa saying that "Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted are the greatest poverty." I agree with her, and Adeline Yen Mah adds on, " 1 single positive dream is more impotant than a thousand negative realites." I really can relate to these two sentances. It sort of inspires me. In falling leaves, she uses chinese idioms she learnt and applies them to her life. I really am amazed, and really filled with fascination? Hmmm. The story of her life, touches me and yet pierces my heart. After reading the book last year, i could never forget what she's been through. I can still remember the pain she's gone through. She's just yearns to be loved and understood by her family. I have so far never read a more touching book than Adeline Yen Mah's Chinese Cinderella & Falling Leaves. How she pulls through, after all those painful times. Really tough. Getting kicked out by your stepmother and your father doesn't do anything..Trying to find out the real will of her father, and her siblings don't help at all. She's all alone. No Aunt Baba there to help her, to encourage her. haish. really sad. Okay...well, that's all for today. NIGHTS!
...just let me dance till i die.
& promise me you won't save me.
cos i'll be better off dead.
as i can't carry anymore of this pain.
It's just too much for me to bear alone.
it may seem i'm not alone.
but i am.
i know.
so the day i die.
don't shed a tear.
i promise you.
i'll still be here.
maybe you won't see me.
but you know that in your heart.
i'm there with you.
promise me.
when you see my body.
you will still rest in peace.
cos i shall promise you.
that i will do my best
to watch over you.
& when i reach thepoint.
where it burns.
don't cry.
don't be sad.
remember i died with no regrets.
i am going to lead a happier life.
i will be judged.
and be sent to the place i deserve to be.
don't worry about me.
i assure you.
i will be okay.
all the endless screams will have ended.
the mark sting left after the slap.
would be gone.
the fear of the final blow.
would be gone.
the memories that haunt me.
will finally be over.
the life i hate.
would have ended.
& this i must say.
I Love You.
I Appreciate Ya'll.
but.
now.
it's time for me to go.
no need to worry.
i won't do anything foolish.
i will rest in peace.
once he knows how much i love him.
how long i've waited till this day.
i don't want anything.
i just wish he knew.
& when it's my time to go.
i can recall.
when i was still alive.
bearing all the pain.
i just wanted him to love me.
is that too much to ask.
but now i learn.
love is something that could come later.
but love from your famliy is something that should be present to feel complete.
all i ever wanted was to be loved.
the pain is too much.
it adds on each day.
feelings all mixed up.
don't know how i should feel.
all i know is i want to end it all.
but i can't.
the sting.
the tears.
the pain.
the hurt.
the endless blame.
the endless lies.
i wish to correct her.
but i know it's no use.
they know what's she like.
but they don't understand what she can do.
i must stop here and go.
i made a promise to the one i love so dear.
so this is all...
...just let me dance till i die.
& promise me you won't save me.
cos i'll be better off dead.
as i can't carry anymore of this pain.
It's just too much for me to bear alone.
it may seem i'm not alone.
but i am.
i know.
so the day i die.
don't shed a tear.
i promise you.
i'll still be here.
maybe you won't see me.
but you know that in your heart.
i'm there with you.
promise me.
when you see my body.
you will still rest in peace.
cos i shall promise you.
that i will do my best
to watch over you.
& when i reach thepoint.
where it burns.
don't cry.
don't be sad.
remember i died with no regrets.
i am going to lead a happier life.
i will be judged.
and be sent to the place i deserve to be.
don't worry about me.
i assure you.
i will be okay.
all the endless screams will have ended.
the mark sting left after the slap.
would be gone.
the fear of the final blow.
would be gone.
the memories that haunt me.
will finally be over.
the life i hate.
would have ended.
& this i must say.
I Love You.
I Appreciate Ya'll.
but.
now.
it's time for me to go.
no need to worry.
i won't do anything foolish.
i will rest in peace.
once he knows how much i love him.
how long i've waited till this day.
i don't want anything.
i just wish he knew.
& when it's my time to go.
i can recall.
when i was still alive.
bearing all the pain.
i just wanted him to love me.
is that too much to ask.
but now i learn.
love is something that could come later.
but love from your famliy is something that should be present to feel complete.
all i ever wanted was to be loved.
the pain is too much.
it adds on each day.
feelings all mixed up.
don't know how i should feel.
all i know is i want to end it all.
but i can't.
the sting.
the tears.
the pain.
the hurt.
the endless blame.
the endless lies.
i wish to correct her.
but i know it's no use.
they know what's she like.
but they don't understand what she can do.
i must stop here and go.
i made a promise to the one i love so dear.
so this is all...
♥ And did I tell you that I love you tonight
10:52 PM
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10:52 PM
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